To my Peanut Face, Hazel Bean, Cutest of the Cutes, Stinks, Minnow, Baby Baby, Littlest Baby, Chicken... Little Miss Roth... I can't believe you're already a year old. I know I've told you a...
The Most Insecure I’ve Ever Felt As a Mom
Well, I think it’s safe to say that there isn’t a mom in the history of moms that thinks to herself, “I just really hope my precious little baby has to wear a hard plastic helmet on her head for 23 hours a day.” So yeah, you can imagine my chagrin when Hazel was 4 months old and the doctor explained to me why Hazel had to wear a helmet for the next 6-9 weeks. My first question (and one of MANY for the doc) was how this would affect Hazel and her development? Would she be able to sleep okay? Would she be able to do tummy time? Would she be annoyed by it?
The doctor quickly put those fears to rest by assuring me that the babies who wear helmets really don’t even notice them and aren’t delayed in any manner. Once Hazel was in the clear, my thoughts went a different direction. What would people think? I know, I know, in retrospect this is such a shallow way to look at things, but in the moment that’s honestly where my mind went. I was insecure. Would people judge us? Would they think we’d done something wrong as parents? Would they think I was a bad mom?
Honestly, now that we’re 4 weeks into her wearing a helmet, these petty fears feel pretty embarrassing. My heart goes out to parents who get much worse news about their children’s health – I can’t even imagine. And honestly, knowing other parents who have handled ACTUAL BAD NEWS with grace and dignity was what helped me squelch my insecurities, stop being selfish, and GET OVER IT.
I think part of becoming a parent (at least for me) has been realizing that things aren’t going to go the way we plan them. I finished my pregnancy in quarantine and had a baby in the middle of a pandemic. Our family didn’t meet Hazel until she was 4 weeks old. My friends still haven’t held my baby and she’s almost 6 months old. I haven’t taken her anywhere, we had to postpone our nanny… the list goes on and on. But you know what? Everything has worked out and as parents, Brett and I have adapted, tried harder, and grown. Not a single thing on that list can outshine the bright light that is our little girl and even better, the silver linings that have come from a very trying 2020.
Brett and I are HOME with our baby. She’s safe and healthy, surrounded by those that love her. She spends every day with her grandma. Our friends will hold her when it’s safe and until then, they get to love her from a safe 6 feet away – look on the bright side, less germs! So anyway, what I’m getting at is, no matter what news you get about your children it will always take a minute to process. What I’m working on personally, is keeping perspective and trying to find the positive so I can be a strong mother – and not let pesky insecurities get the best of me.
And in true Jasmine-fashion, I put my final fears to bed by taking the situation and running with it. I reached out to my social media followers and that HELPED ME SO MUCH with lots of great advice and stories of babies who wore helmets without incident. Reading all those comments, I started to realize this was going to be okay. I booked a photo shoot for the next weekend, knowing I owed it to baby Hazel to document her journey… even if it included a hard plastic helmet! The day we got the helmet, I drove straight to the graphic design shop and they wrapped it in a custom plaid print I designed. And when it’s all said and done, I can’t imagine what I was so concerned about.
Hazel doesn’t mind her helmet at all. Everyone has been super understanding, kind, and supportive. I even feel like maybe by being so outspoken, it will help other parents feel less concerned about their kids in helmets. And you know what? I’m actually having trouble remembering why I was so nervous, which hopefully is a sign of personal growth. But let’s be honest, as a parent I’m sure there will be a million more instances where I will have to talk myself down, realizing I’m being petty, or worse even… selfish. Insecurities are tricky like that, you know? But hey… at least I’m trying. 🙂
Parents/caretakers/guardians: can you relate? Any helpful things you tell yourself or do? I’d love to hear in the comments and learn!