A Letter to Darla on Her First Birthday…
September 16 2025
A letter to Darla on her first birthday…
To my Dar Star, Bo-bo, stinky face, bawky baby, little sis, sissy, lovee, cutest…how can it be that you’re turning 1 already!? It feels like yesterday that you were born - yet it’s also impossible to remember what life was like before you were in it. I thought I had an idea of what to expect, considering your older sister paved the way, yet here I am completely lost and astounded at how different being your mom has felt.
In a weird way, I feel like I became your mom before you were even conceived. The journey to get pregnant a second time was so different than the first. The daily bloodwork, the hormones, the doctor’s appointments, the disappointment, the fear, and eventually the day that I drove 2 hours to a fertility center in Utah for an IUI procedure. That day my heart was full, knowing it was as close as we’d come to being pregnant again. And then there was the moment I had the positive pregnancy test and rushed downstairs to tell your dad. We were so excited and also a bit nervous. We were starting over again after 4 years and we weren’t sure how this change to our family unit would land. Would Hazel be a good big sis? Could we possibly love another baby as much as we loved Hazel? (The answer was yes and yes!)
Being pregnant with you wasn’t easy and adding a move on top of that made it even more stressful. I never expected to be almost 40 years old and pregnant! I tried to make the best of it and celebrate my body. There was bedrest in the first trimester, terrible nausea the entire pregnancy, sciatica that left me crawling from the bed to the bathroom each night, and pretty much every other random pregnancy symptom in the book. But we kept pushing along, planning your birth in Utah after we moved into our new house.
Then you were here! In the most dramatic fashion you entered our lives. Your birth story captured attention (as it should have!) and people celebrated you making it safely into this world. Your dad and I were so in love the minute we saw you, but you were TINY and so fragile and it was a very scary time in our lives. But you proved to be strong and fought your way out of the NICU in 15 days.
Leaving the hospital wasn’t what we expected. The construction on our house wasn’t done and we took you “home” to a temporary rental. But through it all, our family surrounded you with so much love, there wasn’t even time to be upset. Everyone fought over who got to hold you, They kissed on you and sang you songs, we fed you the tiniest little bottles of pumped milk, and we all cheered every time you grew even half an ounce. The day you got your feeding tube out at 1 month old was when it felt like we could finally take a breath and celebrate our new life together.
And that’s how it’s felt for the past year. Like one big celebration of the baby we love! I remember being so tired at your newborn photos that I almost fell asleep but also feeling my heart so full of love, that I knew it was worth it to be out of the house.
One of the most amazing parts of your story is how your big sis has loved you since day 1. She is your biggest fan! She has far exceeded anyone’s expectations of how much a 4.5 year old could love a baby. It’s been the most beautiful relationship. She has been such a big helper and we know she will always be your best friend.
We’ve had so much fun taking you out and about, even when you were the tiniest baby. Your first trip was to California on Halloween. It was fun to show you off to our friends and family there.
It was a long cold winter and with you being so small we didn’t make it out of the house that much. But spending time together as a family was what it was all about and it was the perfect time for you to grow. You loved snuggling and preferred to be held than anything else. You started nursing and together we learned how to feed you.
Your first bit trip was to Mexico for your dad’s 40th birthday. You rocked the littlest swimsuits and slept through the night for the first time. You still only weighed 8.5 lbs, but your personality started to show through. You love to smile and it became our mission to make you smile every chance we got.
You were the cutest Christmas baby! You just wanted to nurse and be loved by your family all day.
Because you were so small, and because you love to cuddle so much, it was even harder when it was time for me to go back to work. I wasn’t ready, but you were. You did fine and I worked as close to home as possible, coming back to snuggle and nurse as much as I could. You kept growing, getting cuter and cuter!
And we took you everywhere! Montana, California, Hawaii, and you even went snowboarding for the first time right before the snow melted in Utah. Your biggest trip was to France when you were 11 months old.
So as you go into your second year of life, I hope you know how loved you are. Your dad, sister, and I live for your smiles and we think you’re the BEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WORLD! We can’t wait to watch you grow and see what’s next. WE LOVE YOU! You filled a corner of my heart I didn’t know was empty and you’ll forever be MY BABY.
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